Amazing Race Chatter

[Natchraly]

I love this show. I haven't had a chance to watch the last two seasons since the baby was born but this one I am making time for.

First of all let me just say this. I hope that man that cheated on his wife finds the first random good looking woman and nails her right on the street in front of his hideous excuss for a wife. ick. I destest her. No wonder he cheated on her.

I like the sibling team. Hate the frat brothers. Glad the weird hippy's are gone. and so far forget the rest.

[dglow]

TAR is my fave show Natchy... I have such a hate on for Terence I can't even tell you... not that she is better... but whining that she was talking to other teams instead of him.... and his whole I don't do anything unless I love it= I'm really to damn lazy to work so I'll let her support me and call it being a free spirit 

Then him telling her that she couldn't climb and talk...... oh I hope he gets hit by a truck!!!!!

[Mobaby]

 

[Natchraly]

I agree with you on that one Glow. He wanted her to connect with him at camp but she doesn't have anything to connect with. Are they the ones trying to decide if they should get married?

The self-proclaimed nerds, ie.. internet porn addicts, might do well. Still not sure if their self hatred will get on my nerves or not. We shall see.

What about the newest barbie dolls? I laughed so hard when I saw them crossing the street with their hair plastered to their forheads begging someone to just push the button. Then one of them proclaims , "We're not in America." Bah, priceless.

[Mobaby]

Those plastered barbies can follow the worn out hippies right out the door. 

[dglow]

I am seriously hoping the plastic blondes go next.. dumbasses!!

[dglow]

Natchy..... it's Stephanie and Anthony that are contemplating marriage....

She needs to chill with that shit... nothing makes a man run faster than that... if you have to force him to marry you, it won't work

They'll get married then she'll be wondering why the fuck she wanted that and divorce will follow

[Mobaby]

No shit - did you see his deer in the headlights look when she was talking about winning so they could get married?  He will sabotage the race before he lets that happen!! 

[dglow]

 

[Natchraly]

  I think she even mentioned having babies once! 

[Mobaby]

Anybody see that movie - How to Lose a Guy in 10 days?  I think that was the  name of it - I think she saw it, but got a little confused! 

[dglow]

I can see him getting lost on the Race never to be found again

[dglow]

This may not have been the greatest episode of The Amazing Race ever (though it was very, very entertaining), but it certainly was the stupidest. I can't remember the last time this many low-IQ errors were made in a single hour. Was this an anomaly — a random confluence of idiocy — or have Bertram & Co. just assembled a particularly moronic group of partnerships this year? I bet they got this year's lineup by calling up Wipeout's casting director and saying, "Hey, if anyone seems too mentally fragile to attempt the Big Balls, send 'em over to us."

Things didn't begin stupidly, however: They kicked off scarily. Ken reminded us about how the Race would decide whether his marriage with the scariest woman on earth — a.k.a. Tina — would continue in the wake of his cheating. "She doesn't want a life sentence, and neither do I. We want life partners," Ken said, quoting one of the 415 relationship handbooks that Tina likely assigned to him. As the episode progressed, I was amazed at how upbeat and encouraging he is to his wife, even while getting little but curses and angry glares in return. It seems to go beyond the penitent restraint of a guilty man. Is something else keeping him in line? Does Tina carry around a remote control that delivers electric shocks to his scrotum every time he displeases her? Wouldn't surprise me: Frankly, there are times when she looks straight at the camera with her angry eyes that I feel like she's got one of those zappers pointed at me.

And speaking of doomed couples, what about Sarah and Terence? Boy, opposites attract, don't they? Sure, opposites bug the crap out of each other, too, but man, do they attract! Why, yes, they also cause mutual disdain and crippling irritation, but hey, what about the attrac… What's that? Yes, I suppose opposites are also what spark million-year religious feuds and world wars, but sometimes they attract, don't they? Don't they? Erg. We kicked off with them bickering with each other because Sarah had had the temerity to speak to another team. And within minutes, he was sulking because she didn't throw herself in the path of the oncoming cab trunk that hit him in the forehead. I spent all Sunday with my 11-month-old daughter, and Terence is still the biggest baby I saw all day.

Later, at the airport, Tina was able to "persuade" an airline with only one available seat to their next destination to switch the flight to a bigger plane, thereby allowing them — and everyone else — to get on. The power quickly went to her head, as she told every team to get on the very special impossible flight that she conjured out of thin air. (I was waiting for her to claim that she herself had forged the larger fuselage out of nothing but sheer will and a dirty look.) As her reward for this good deed, she and Ken sauntered to the gate, walked past everyone else, and stood at the front of the line. This infuriated Terence, who snorted at her, which in turn made Ken — nervously remembering the electrodes taped to his scrotum — calmly threaten him from behind: "You get loud, I'll get loud. You be civil, I'll be civil." Considering that both couples' relationships are fueled on at least one side by simmering contempt, there is only one way this can all end: Both couples will be swinging by week five. Hell, Ken already gave Terence a kiss — perhaps this foursome will be sharing a passionate night of grudge groping by next week's episode.

(A side note about the airport contretemps: Why did Tina think it was so important to sit in the front row? Does she think that the first seat comes with a catapult that launches the sitter all the way to the taxi stand? Yes, it technically gives you a head start, but it's a one-foot head start. Let the bulkhead slide, Dr. Angry.)

The Southern Belles, meanwhile, have decided to charm their way to victory. Brooke has filled her backpack with candy, which she will toss to ticket agents across the world, making it impossible for them to deny the women's desire for good flights. "You like American candy?" she asked the Brazilian ticket agent, no doubt expecting the reaction, "I'm sorry, miss, but that flight is absolutely full and there is no way I can…[boing!] Fun size 3 Musketeers? You didn't tell me you spoke the international language of near-microscopic sugary treats! We have a special charter flight on the tarmac just for people like you, and for three candy corns, I can put you in first class! And to think I had been wasting my sweet tooth on Blong!"

At their destination, it was a dash to the cabs, and Anthony and Stephanie continued their track record of attracting the worst cabs. After picking a stalled cab, instead of hailing a new one, Anthony was oddly tenacious about getting it to start. I loved the shot of him pushing the car, yelling, "POP THE CLUTCH! POP THE CLUTCH!" in English. The cab driver probably didn't know what he was screaming, and was likely settling in for this crazy American to push the car all the way to his destination.

Everyone dashed to a beach, where they all had to ride in a dune buggy in the rain. Terence, experiencing a manic phase, said, "It was like God showering us with love and joy!" It must be truly difficult for Sarah to deal with his swinging moods: One minute he's angry at her for not seeing an imaginary wound on his head, the next he's beatifically thanking God for precipitation. I think next time he opens his mouth to complain, Sarah should toss a dose of lithium into his whine hole. I think she'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

At the end of the Dune Buggy ride, teams faced their first detour: Beach It (roll a 440-pound boat 100 yards across the beach, using a couple of heavy logs) or Docket (search a shipping yard for a giant container, using only its code number). Everyone went for Beach It except the comic book nerds. (Well, the Belles intended to do Docket, but went the wrong way and ended up on the beach. Is it just dumb luck that they haven't wandered into an open manhole yet?) The comic bookers knew they were going to dominate this task, and said so in the single geekiest one-two punch of sentences ever uttered:

MARK: "There's no possible way you're going to sit us down at a computer, and we aren't just gonna tear it up."

BILL: As Yoda would say, "Do or do not. There is no try."

This couldn't have been nerdier if they'd just spoken a bunch of ones and zeroes. But I was glad they'd picked this task, because I fear for them in any physical activity: They are the sweatiest team I've ever seen. They started this leg at 4:24am — the sun wasn't even up yet — and Bill had already sweated halfway through his shirt. Does the mild exercise of chewing a breakfast bar make his pores shoot out liquid like a fire hose?

Back over at Beach It, Terence was berating Sarah in nonsensical ways. When she said she was tired, he snapped, "Next time when you want to do pushups in the morning, don't!" I still don't get that: Did the blow to the head from that cab trunk jumble up his passive-aggressive syntax? And speaking of blows to the head, what fell on the frat guys' noggins? The fratters gamely picked this task because, you know, they lift weights. (And like babes! Don't forget they like babes! Anyone? Anyone?) And yet as soon as they got to the boat, Dan jumped on top, assuming the two workmen would have to push him across the beach. Really, what kind of frat guys are these two? I don't know what fraternity they're in (though I suspect it's Lambda Lambda Lambda), but whichever it is, I'll bet their brothers are quietly taking their letters down from the front of their house right now.

And then came a wonderful twofer of idiocy. Terence and Sarah — in first place — missed an easy sign for a taxi stand, and began tearing across the beach like Lawrence of Arabia, only to finally emerge in a small town in which the only cabs they could find were the ones speeding past them with other teams inside. Meanwhile, back at the beach, the divorcees had misread their clue, thinking the Docket explanation meant there was a container that they had to find after completing Beach It. And so they got on their hands and knees and began digging in the sand for a small container that did not exist. At this rate, I wondered what numskullery could possibly top this: Would the Belles sit down on their boat to write a short story about a jail because, "Phil said each task had its own prose and cons"?

With all of this going on, you'd think the Roadblock would have been a cinch. After all, they were told the key to finishing it was "not over thinking it." Hey, not over thinking things is what these teams do best! The key to finding the name of the pit stop location on a 600-foot wall of ads and town names ended up being to just write everything down, and read them all to the clue keeper until he heard the magic word and gave you your envelope. Bill figured this out quickly, saying he would just copy all the words "with brute force." Only a nerd could use the term "brute force" in relation to writing in a notebook. When the new shipment of comics comes in, does he turn to Mark and say, "And now I will read the new Archie and Jughead comics digest…with extreme prejudice."

Tina followed Bill's strategy. But when she emerged victorious, and Ken hugged her, she cringed and went stiff. It was like watching someone's reaction to being hugged by Hitler wearing a suit made of lice. But others didn't have such an easy time with the challenge. Nick tried to share theories with Sarah, then dashed off to partner with frat-guy Andrew instead. This quick ditching infuriated Sarah, of course, whom I'm assuming had a very, very bad experience with a clique in high school that she should really talk to someone about. But she had the last laugh, solving it first. Later, Nick (who had been busily coming up with theories involving color-coded clues) finally thought he had the answer and took off, promising Andrew that he would return if he had the right answer: He was right, but he never came back, which left us with the sad sight of a pining Andrew alone with his afro of despair. (Check out what else Nick has been doing in his spare time.)

But the divorcees ruled this challenge, at least moronically. After the "container" mix-up, they chanted with each other that they would always read clues carefully. Mere minutes later, however, even though the clue specifically told them to tell their cab to wait at the Roadblock, they let him go. Though they finished the challenge quickly, they were left pacing the road, looking for a cab that would not come. I found it hilarious that the cab ended up just parking in a nearby field. Apparently the cabbie was prepped that the teams would need them to stick around, so when his team didn't, he had nowhere to go: His entire worldview was shattered. Imagine the joy when the divorcees finally found him again!

Ashamed, the ladies pledged to do better on the next leg: Said Kelly, "We're gonna be bad A B's!" I'm assuming this was an abbreviated version of "bad-ass bitches." When they complain that their exes used to be too controlling, I hope those awful men never tried to control their wives' love of confusing acronyms. If they did, I'm glad these women are free of them. Say it with me, Kelly: I am woman, HMR!

In the end, Ken and Tina beat the nerds in a footrace to finish first. It's just as well: They won ATVs, and the nerds' sweat would short out the motors. But finishing last were commitmentphobe Anthony and the ring-craving Stephanie. I hope I'm not being cynical, but does anyone else find this suspicious: At the beginning of the episode, Stephanie said it was financial insecurity that kept them from getting hitched, and Anthony allowed that winning this just might help solve that. Yet at the end of the same leg, it was his slow solving of the Roadblock puzzle that got the two eliminated. Oops, now they might have to keep putting off that engagement, isn't that inconvenient, Anthony? Here's my question: If Anthony had accidentally won the Amazing Race, thus allowing an engagement to go further, what would be his Plan B escape hatch? Sawing off his ring finger? "Sorry, honey, I'd love to put a ring on this finger, but ol' stumpy says no can do!"

But all is not lost for Stephanie. When Anthony signed off, he said, "I have a lot to be thankful for. I have my health, I have my parents, I have my looks, and I have Stephanie." She's in the top four! Once he gets sick, his parents pass away, and his hair falls out, look out honeymoon!

What do you guys think? Was the episode moron-tastic or simply the best episode ever? Did you feel the electrodes? And what other ways could have Anthony escaped an engagement?

[Natchraly]

  

LOL that episode was a complete mess!!

Tina is a delusional freak of nature. Sarah and Terence fell out of the pages of a Dr. Phil book. And I want to know who the divorced chicks flashed inorder to figure out where their cabbie was, not to mention the "buried container" situation suddenly resolved itself. Ahh and Andrew, he got the hell out of dodge when he felt the fire on his heels!Nice way to lose the money , dude. At least he still has mommy at home. LOLOLOL

[dglow]

Last Thursday evening, as I do every night before leaving work, I doffed my jockstrap, rinsed it in the sink, and left it hanging on my office doorknob to dry. The next morning I came in, and what was lying in a damp heap on the floor? You guessed it, my jockstrap. About ten minutes later, who walks by but my next-door-office neighbor, Dalton Ross. Or, as I now call him, "my deadliest enemy ever." Does Johnny Jockstrap Knocker-Over not think I see right through him? It insults me that he thinks I'm so dumb that I won't realize that this was not the act of one of the many, many people who walk past my office door and could easily have accidentally brushed past my undergarment. No, Ross, I know it was you. And if you want to play dirty, you're gonna get something else. By which I mean that for the next three days at work I am going to talk about nothing but my crazy unfounded grudge against you for doing something completely innocuous, something that you probably didn't do anyway. Advantage mine!

Oh, Christy and Kelly: When they suspected Starr knocked Christy's sports bra off a hotel ledge, it was the dumbest motivation for a blood feud that I've ever heard. This is a story line that would be rejected by The Hills for being too superficial. After two weeks of watching The Amazing Race and listening to Christy and Kelly talk about what jerks their ex-husbands are, I'm now starting to get the other side of the story. What were the ladies' grounds for divorcing their spouses: cruel and unusual sock losing?

It's hard to believe anyone could race with Sportsbra-gate hanging over the game, but race they did, jetting to Bolivia. To quote every Big Brother contestant ever, it was "game on!" Especially for Sarah, who finally had the realization that every team was out for themselves, and "This is not a popularity competition. It's actually us against the other teams." Who filled her in on the definition of "race"? Here are some other epiphanies that will dawn on Sarah during the race: Santa Claus isn't real; those rave reviews in the ad for Beverly Hills Chihuahua aren't exactly from the best critics; and Las Vegas isn't a nonprofit entity.

When the teams jetted to Bolivia, they immediately had to sleep outside to wait for their clue. In the morning, the cameras seemed to take a perverse pleasure in catching the women applying their makeup, though we did not get to see Tina etch on her eyebrows. I have a feeling that is a process that involves industrial waterproof markers, a protractor, and a welding torch. It was odd to see Kelly drawing on or at least darkening her beauty mark. If she and Starr ever end up nose to nose, poised to fight, I would love to see Starr very slowly lick her own thumb, reach over, and slowly rub off Kelly's fake mole. Oh, the bloodshed that would ensue!

The teams madly paged through the morning's newspaper, searching for an ad that directed them to a local hat store. I don't know much about Bolivia: Is it particularly renowned for its silly hats, or is that just a new tack their tourism board is trying out? ("We need a hook, boys, because 'Come for the scenery, stay for the oxygen tanks!' isn't working. What's that, Hector? Make everyone wear a hat like Mr. Peanut, only three sizes smaller than their own heads? Well, it beats hypoxia, let's try it!")

The frat guys were the first to find the newspaper clue, and they took off. Earlier in the show, while discussing their lack of athleticism (they realized that lifting weights does not an athlete make), Adam said, "I'm happy with myself. I think I look pretty sexy." But it was delivered without any of the identifying intonations of knowing self-parody. Boy, I really wanted it to turn out that Adam and Dan are doing shtick and are actually trying to satirize frat guys, but it's just not gonna happen. If you check out the Amazing Race deleted scenes from last week on CBS.com, there's an incredibly awkward moment at the mat where Phil tries to hook up the frat guys with the Southern Belles, and a nervous Andrew and Dan can barely spit out anything but "Girls pretty." I haven't seen anyone with this little game since the last Red Sox rainout.

The Detour choices this week were "Musical March" or "Bumpy Ride." For "Musical March" you had to assemble a marching band and then lead them to get the next clue. The frat guys did this in their usual tense, joyless manner. Not even Dan's refusal to take off his ridiculous bowler hat could inject any whimsy into their demeanors. And their lugubriousness seemed to spread into their band; the musicians plodded slowly behind, while the happy-go-lucky Belles, with their inane clapping and cheering, quickly caught up to and then passed the fratters. Jeez, Andrew and Dan could depress K.C. and the Sunshine Band.

"Bumpy Ride" involved coasting down cobblestone streets on pedal-less bikes that looked like they were carved out of tree trunks. And just in case they didn't look silly enough, the racers were made to wear feathered helmets and gloves. You know the old maxim that you should always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident? It's even more important not to wear feathered helmets and gloves, but that seems too obvious for anyone to make into an adage.

I thought Christy would prove this rule in her mighty wipeout, where she bloodied her hand and it looked like she cracked her head against a wall. But nothing short of decapitation could stop her from continuing the race: Her bike was powered by gravity and hatred for Starr. Later, she would find out that Starr, when passing Aja, asked her and Ty to U-Turn the divorcees. It was a strange and pointless request by Starr: Why make trouble at this point, especially with Aja and Ty, a team that you have no great allegiance with? Now I don't know which team to root for in this standoff: I'm gonna go ahead and root for neither of them.

Next came the Roadblock, a wrestling match in which one teammate would, said Phil, "have to set aside all decorum and fight a girl." (Wow, there's a description that seemed like it was brought to you be the year 1953.) Each participant had to learn six moves in a staged wrestling match against a female wrestler (a Cholita), and then enact the routine in front of a cheering crowd. I'm not sure how they got the crowd to cheer, though. If you were a wrestling fan, and came to the fights only to find out you'd be watching nine lumpy Americans in unfortunately tight-fitting catsuits repeat the same six rudimentary moves, I think you'd feel fairly ripped off. Imagine if you went to see the Lakers play, only to find out that instead you'd be seeing chubby Bolivians taking bucket shots from the foul line.

The moves included "the slingshot," "kicked," "the duck and flip," and..."taunting"? That's a move? Man, the challenges this season really are easy, aren't they? Ken easily finished the challenge, and his enthusiasm was infectious. It even made Tina smile, and they shared a rare friendly moment, powering them to finish first in their second leg in a row. (Incidentally, I've been harsh on Tina — and, who am I kidding, I'll probably continue to do so — but after reading this recent article on Ken, I understand her a little better.) Dallas finished next, thrilling his mother (but what doesn't thrill her about her number-one son?) so much that she yelled, "Gimme a kiss. You were great!" I really have to keep reminding myself that they're mother and son.

Dan also finished the task on the first attempt. Though he finally took his goofy hat off for the ring, he did wrestle half the match with his cape on backwards. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superdweeb.

At this point we knew Mark and Bill were doomed: After the hat store, they took a cab to the Detour, even though the clue said to go on foot. (Sarah and Terence did the same thing but realized their mistake and retraced their steps.) We the viewers knew they were obliviously hurtling towards a time penalty, but up until the wrestling, they were far enough ahead that said penalty wouldn't be enough to knock them out. But then Mark donned his Lonelyman tights, otherwise known as the Outfit of Solitude. How ironic that the biggest comic book fans are the ones who look the worst in a superhero costume. Not only couldn't he master the routine — Duck and Flip, you are Mark's kryptonite! — but he was also laid low by the lack of oxygen. Nothing quite says "bad athlete" like a guy sucking on an oxygen mask after attempting six moves in a staged sport. This is like rubbing Ben-Gay on your wrist after thumb wrestling.

Phil stood on the mat with a woman who was wearing what looked like the carcass of an exploded peacock on her head. As the rest of the teams trundled in, Mark and Bill realized their earlier mistake, but it was too late to do anything about it. They arrived second to last, and were given a 30-minute penalty. Arriving last were Kelly and Christy (and was it just me, or did it look like Christy was sucking on a bottle filled with her own urine?). Anyway, the women were still running on rage fumes: "If we're going home, I'm gonna scream obscenities at Starr," said Kelly in the back of their cab. Fortunately for them, they arrived within the 30-minute window, thereby staying in the game while the comic bookers got bounced. Goodbye, Mark and Bill: You've left with memories, but you've also left South America with some things to remember you by — a trail of sweat and a unitard that needs serious dry cleaning.

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20232628,00.html article by Josh Wolk 
   

[Mobaby]

I loved watching Ken & Tina begin their self destruction last night. My god, that woman is a royal bitch.  WHile I am not condoning infidelity, if she is like that all the time, I can almost see why old Kenny went looking for love elsewhere.  I was waiting for him to just snap and tell her to shut the fuck UP! 
And then there was Terence harrassing the hell out of Sarah.  WHile I am not a fan of hers either, he was really pissing me off.  I wanted her to just freaking spray paint his face!  And then maybe use some of that tape on his mouth.  He's such a big pussy, all she would have had to done to get him out of her hair is give him the tiniest of boo boo's and that would have been it - he would have disolved into a pile of whimpering goo.
And then there is Kelly and Christy - we already know you hate your ex husbands, and you enjoy each other so much more than you ever enjoyed them, and blah blah blah.  So why don't you just become lesbians already and shut the fuck up!!